I should have looked both ways. My light was green, but I still should have looked both ways.
As I pulled out into the intersection, I immediately knew that something was wrong. The headlights to my right were way too close, getting bigger by the millisecond. In the back of my mind, I knew I should have been more cautious. Just because I was in the right didn’t mean that every other driver on the road was going to drive properly.
To be honest, I think I was more focused on dinner. It was Friday night, and that meant it was pizza night with my wife and kids. I loved pizza night.
As the headlights grew, I realized that I didn’t want to be thinking about pizza right now. Suddenly, I was overcome with a sense of clarity. I was going to get hit. I was going to be hurt. I wanted to be at home, with my family. I wanted to hug my kids. I wanted to kiss my wife.
I didn’t want to die.
The headlights were blinding. In my little Hyundai, the semi’s headlights were right at eye level. Stupidly, I turned to face them. Half of my brain told me to brace for impact – half told me to go limp. Drunk drivers die less than the people they hit because they go limp on impact. Would that work for me?
I decided to play it by ear. It probably wasn’t going to matter.
But then, there was no impact.
I opened my eyes. The light was still blinding, but something was different.
I blinked.
Somehow, I wasn't in my car anymore. Dazed, I looked around to try to get an understanding of where I was, and how I got there. I found myself sitting in a leather office chair in front of a large oak table. On the other side of the table, I had an audience.
There were three of them.
On the left, an older man. He was dressed in a white suit. Well groomed, he looked like he was in his sixties though he was stocky. He looked solid. He had a trimmed white beard and mid-length stark white hair that had been parted on one side. He smiled at me as I looked around nervously. I don’t know why, but something about his smile seemed to tell me that things weren’t as bad as I thought they might be.
Next to him, a younger man dressed in a sleek black tuxedo. Pushed back from the table, he had crossed one leg over the other. He had a look of disdain that told me he was slightly annoyed to be there in the first place. Much thinner than the older man, his jet black hair was combed straight back. As he noticed me examining him, he cocked an eyebrow and stared right back with piercing hazel eyes.
At the far right, there was a woman. She was dressed entirely in gray, and she had auburn hair. Her skin was perfectly white. I know she must have noticed me staring at her, but she seemed unfazed. She seemed so absolutely neutral. She didn’t look happy or unhappy to be there - She just was.
“What…” I started, still completely curious as to my surroundings.
“You’ve died.” The old man said, unblinking. The younger man next to him uncrossed his legs and scooted his chair forward.
“Yeah?” I asked. I didn’t mean to sound so cavalier about it, but my adrenaline was still high. One second I was waiting for my body to be shattered, the next I’m in a fairly comfortable desk chair, staring at the three most eclectic people I’ve ever seen in one place. The situation was so surreal that I had a hard time grasping the gravity of hearing that I had died.
“Yes, you’ve died – and before we go any further, I believe some introductions are in order.” He began. “I’m God.”
I chuckled. He didn’t seem to notice.
“I’m Lucifer.” Said the young man in the middle. He had leaned forward in his seat now, elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hands. He looked bored.
I turned my head towards the woman on the end, though she raised her eyebrows and stared back at me.
“Ugh..” Lucifer sighed, “This is Death. She doesn’t talk unless she thinks something needs to be said. Bit bitchy, this one.”
She turned to look at him, but quickly turned back.
“Let me get this straight,” I began – though Lucifer interrupted me.
“Nothing to get straight. You’re dead. He’s God, I’m the Devil, and this is Death. Yes, it’s for real. Yes, our outfits are very cliché. We’ve found that dressing this way helps people make decisions later on. Now, stop staring at us like you’re too stupid to understand what’s going on and let’s get this interview out of the way.”
“Interview?” I asked.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Yes, an interview.” Lucifer put his hands in his lap and sat up straight.
God had turned to look at him, looking frustrated. He turned back to me. “Yes, it’s an interview." he said. "You’ve got three options for going forward from this point, and before you leave today we’ll have to have a good idea of which direction you’re headed."
Things were becoming clearer, and I could feel a lump starting to form in my throat. My whole life, I had lived somewhat cognizant of the Heaven and Hell options, but I wasn’t entirely sure what the third option might be. I looked at the woman on the end. She looked back through me.
God continued, “Today we’ll talk about your life, your actions, your relationship, and your future. Ultimately, you’ll join me in Heaven, join Lucifer in Hell, or you’ll go with Death and be given a second chance at life.”
My eyes must have lit up at the third option, because Lucifer started to laugh. “Oh shit, not your life.. just life in general. You’d start tomorrow as someone different, somewhere else with no chance of remembering this conversation or who you were before.”
“Alright.” I said, swallowing, trying to push the lump back down my throat. I couldn’t help but think of my wife and kids. How long had it been since I died? Were they still waiting at home with pizza? Did they have any idea that I wasn’t going to make it?
“So, go ahead and ask your questions.” God said.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had died and was going to have to interview for my afterlife. What questions could I possibly ask them? I was putting together my defense for the best choice.
“You may ask us each one question about our offer.” Death said. The other two turned to face her. “After that, you will have to make your decision.”
“Go ahead, son.” God continued. “Search your heart and ask us one question each. Find out what you want to about what we have to give you, and then do what you believe to be right.”
I thought.
I missed the clarity that I had had before the crash. Then, everything seemed so simple. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to be with those that I held dearest, because they were the focal point of my entire existence. Here, I was faced with three different existences – all with the promise of not seeing my family again.
I looked at God.
“What’s Heaven like?” I asked. Lucifer sighed, rubbing his forehead. I could tell by his reaction that my question was typical.
“Heaven is perfection, my child.” He began. “ In Heaven, you will not want for anything. Every need is fulfilled and every emotion is positive. In Heaven you will experience true belonging and love. There are no enemies, no relationships, no arguments. In Heaven, everyone is equal and satisfied.”
I sat, thinking. All of that sounded pretty great, but the ‘no relationships’ part confused me. I had already asked my question though, and knew that I couldn’t clarify. I turned towards Lucifer.
“What does Hell have to offer?”
He smiled. “Have you ever been watching tv and thought ‘Man, I’d like to have that.’? Have you ever wanted anything that was just out of your reach? Maybe you couldn’t afford it. Maybe someone else already had it. In Hell, it’s yours.”
“So Hell would give me everything I ever wanted, and Heaven would make me not want for anything?” I asked, though they both met my question with silence. God turned to look at Lucifer, and then looked back at me, shaking his head. Lucifer now seemed to be more focused on using his tongue to dislodge something from his back teeth.
I turned towards Death. “If I’m born again, would I have any choice on who I am, or where I’m born?”
“No.” She said, calmly.
I kicked myself for asking such a simple question. Though, I knew what the world had to offer – I just didn’t like my odds for getting something worthwhile if I had absolutely no control of who I ended up being.
I moved my gaze back and forth between the three. God stared at me with a warm smile, Lucifer checked his watch and rolled his eyes, and Death seemed to remain uninterested.
I had never been faced with this type of decision before. Sure, I had made tough decisions in life: Where to live, whether I should buy or rent, how many kids my wife and I should have, but this – this choice made them all seem so trivial. Every one of those questions ended with me still being me. Regardless of the answer, I could adapt and make due, even if I felt like I had decided wrong. This (save for Death’s option) was a decision I was making for eternity.
Lucifer cleared his throat. They were all expecting an answer.
“I don’t know what to say.” I said. “ One question isn’t enough for me to form an answer to a question this big!”
“Tough shit.” Lucifer said. “I didn’t even want to come down here today. You think I like having to come try to talk people into hanging out with me? It’s demeaning.”
God frowned at him. “Three questions may seem like a trivial amount, but search your heart – you know what you wish to happen.”
“I don’t want any of them to happen.” I said, starting to tear up. “I don’t want to go to Heaven or Hell, and I sure don’t want to be born some random somewhere in the world. I want to go back and be me. I want to kiss my children’s hair. I want to lay in bed with my wife and talk about our day. I want to see my kids grow up and play with their kids. I want so much more than what you’re putting on the table!”
I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I was breaking down. I wondered if there panic attacks in the afterlife.
“Your wants are inconsequential.” Said Death. “You must decide one of our three options.”
Lucifer looked at his watch again. “Yep, chief, gonna have to make a call here. Time’s sort of a factor…”
God leaned forward. “It’s alright,” he started “you know what to choose.”
My head was swirling. I could feel my heart beating. The room seemed to spin. How in the world could I choose any of these options when I didn’t want a single one of them? I looked from God to Lucifer to Death.
“Decide” said Death.
“Flip a god damn coin if you have to…” said Lucifer, as God grumbled beside him.
“Trust yourself.” God said, looking back at me.
My head was starting to pound.
“I…” I began. My hands were shaking. I could feel my pulse in my temples. “I… I…”
Lucifer pushed his chair back and crossed his arms. God stood from his seat, leaning over the table. Death remained seated.
I had to choose, but none of the options seemed good enough. Eternal satisfaction, eternal hedonism, or a reset button? My desires were small. I wanted a second chance at being me. I didn’t want to be rewarded or restarted.
Death scowled.
Unconsciously, I put my hands to my head. My headache was splitting now. My heart was beating far too fast for me to focus, and the pressure that these three were laying on was maddening.
“Shit, we’re losing him.” Said Lucifer.
The room went white again. I felt as if my body had been turned inside out. I struggled to look around, but it pained me to do so.
In the distance, I could hear the beeping of a heart monitor. I struggled to open my eyes. Only one opened.
“There he is…” the doctor said, looking down at my face, my wife and kids behind him.
“We were starting to wonder if we had lost you."
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